


Reasons

by BellJarred



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 19:39:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5140100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BellJarred/pseuds/BellJarred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it came to you and Haku, everything was about the reasons. When it came to a question of your relationship versus the undying devotion he had to Zabuza Momochi, though, you just hoped that those reasons were enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

A gentle breeze swept through the forest. The juvenile leaves of lofty trees rustled at its presence, and the silky ends of your [h/c] locks danced exuberantly upon contact. You smiled at the feel of it. In the Land of Waves, the spring season was always something to look forward to.

“The weather certainly is lovely today…”

You were so startled by the sudden presence of another that you nearly allowed the handle of your wicker basket to slip through your fingers. If you had not quickly regained your composure, it would have been a meticulous business to go about picking up all of its minuscule contents.

“I-It is,” you agreed uneasily as you pressed a free hand to your sporadically beating heart. Your composure may have returned to you without much effort, but the rate of your heartbeat was impossible to control. You willed yourself to spare this intruder a cautious glance. It appeared to be an overly attractive girl, perhaps around your age, that was outfitted in a pink kimono with plum-colored swirls. With one look at her gentle face, you were hard-pressed to deem her a threat. “Forgive me for my reaction, but you startled me a bit…” you finished sheepishly.

She smiled, and you found the simplest upturn of her lips to be incredibly warm in its disposition. “I should be the one apologizing for encroaching upon your solitude so carelessly.”

You blinked, utterly taken aback by her civility. “No, No!” you dismissed with an ardent shake of your head. “This  _is_  a public place, after all, so you have just as much right to be here as I do.”

A tender laugh escaped her pink lips at your fervor. “Is that so?” she questioned. Although she had previously been standing quite far from your form, she lethargically moved to kneel beside you. “Even so, at least this is one place left untouched by Gato’s men…”

You presumed that the last bit of her mumbled statement was said more for her own benefit than anything else. Nevertheless, though, you were inclined to snoop. “Who’s Gato?”

The girl, with nimble fingers, plucked a plethora of herbs from the dewy ground. “It’s probably best that you don’t know. I know that I would be happiest to forget about that vile man, if I could.”

You could only blink dumbly at her for admitting such. “Then why don’t you?”

Now it was the girl’s turn to become flabbergasted. “W-What? I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re implying–”

You put a hand up to silence her. “If ignorance is bliss, why  _wouldn’t_  you choose to live in it?” You began. You paused upon noticing the confusion in her eyes. “What I’m saying is…” you tried again to get your point across more coherently. “I know you can’t escape from the reality of whatever is troubling you, by you could at least pretend to whilst you’re here. I know  _I_  do.”

Her mouth went agape in slow realization. “So you do know how horridly that man has vexed the villagers of–?”

You interjected before she had the chance to properly finish her inquiry. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, honestly.” As if to emphasize the truth behind your statement, you smirked. “A pretty little herb garden like this is no place to discuss pathetic shipping magnates.”

The girl smiled once more and it was unlike anything you had ever witnessed before. Dwelling within the Land of Waves was a heavy burden on anyone’s heart, so you had become well adjusted to the weary smiles of the country’s oppressed citizens. The smile on this girl’s face, though, there was something so beautifully earnest about it that you could not bear to look away from it. Your time together would have played out in an awestruck silence if nothing more had been said to snap you out of it. “I’m Haku, by the way.”

Your brow furrowed in confusion.  _Haku? Wasn’t that a boy’s name, or a surname or something?_

“Well,” you bowed slightly in salutation, paying little attention to the previous confusion. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Haku. My name’s  _[Name]_.”


	2. Reason to Trust

 

You did not run into Haku very often. In fact, it was only within the forest that you ever caught sight of her. Considering the browbeaten condition of the village, though, you figured that she preferred it that way.

“Young one,” you could hear her voice drifting through a cluster of nearby trees. “You’re growing up to be such a healthy thing.”

You tucked what had become your trademark accessory — the wicker basket — under your left arm as you tiptoed nearer to Haku’s present location. Your gentle fingers pried open a path between a few unruly bushes and immediately you saw her. Although she was arguably the most delicate girl you had ever met, you could not help but to find her mannerisms a tad peculiar. As it were currently, she was seated criss-cross applesauce amid verdant blades of tall grass with a snow white rabbit nestled within her lap. Due to the way she had carelessly positioned herself, a bit more of her pale skin was visible than was deemed socially acceptable.

“Haku?” You called out to her quietly, quite fearful of startling her small friend. “What are you doing out here by yourself?” You spread your arms out wide in gesture. This particular area that the two of you found yourselves in contrasted greatly with the small, well-lit location of the herb garden.

Her pale face was highlighted by a smile the moment that she first registered your presence. “[Name],” she mumbled as her fingers scratched gently behind the rabbit’s floppy ears. “I could ask you the same,” she finished coyly.

“Touché,” you smirked as you kneeled before her. “What’s this little girl's name?”

The rabbit twitched its nose at you in wonder as Haku simply continued to comfort it with loving strokes and scratches. “It hasn’t got one really, but I suppose if it had one Yuki would be the appropriate choice.”

You nodded slowly at her, taking great care in your consideration of the proposed name. “Ah, that’s neat. I love the snow and she certainly looks like it. How fitting,” you remarked finally.

The expression on Haku’s face would be best described as wry. “Yuki’s a  _boy_ ~.” Briefly, he wondered if you were guilty of misinterpreting his gender as well. His conclusion was that it didn’t really matter in the long run, and so he turned his attention to something else. “You really enjoy the snow, huh?”

You nodded eagerly with wide, childlike eyes. “Yes! Did you know there are some people with the power to control it — samurai, or whatever?” you pointed out.

Haku suppressed a chuckle. “You mean ninja? Yes, I was well aware.”

“I think it would be truly incredible to meet someone with powers of that caliber!” you exclaimed ecstatically.

Haku had to fight to keep her subconscious from bringing up painful recollections of the past. Nevertheless, flashbulb memories of a forgotten family and a deathly secret persisted in plaguing her. “…Is that so?” she questioned half-heartedly.

“Definitely,” you answered easily.  _Was it possible for somebody to feel that way about a monster like him?_  Apparently, for the first time since Haku and Zabuza’s primary encounter, it appeared as though it was absolutely feasible.

Haku gently pushed the rabbit out of her lap before bringing herself into a standing position. “It’s really quite dangerous out here, [Name]. Would you like for me to walk you home?”

You blanched.  _Walk you home?_  It was odd of her to be so very… _chivalrous_. “It would be equally dangerous for you, Haku. After you walk me home, who’s going to be there to protect you?” you pointed out worriedly.

Haku found your genuine concern for his well-being to be downright laughable. “Aha,” she placed a frail hand to her lips. “I’m actually  _quite_  capable of taking care of myself.”

Despite your initial disbelief when Haku extended her hand to you, you were instantaneous in clasping her bony fingers within your own. “If you say so…”


	3. Reason to Question

 

You didn’t need any sort of fire jutsu to burn through her skull — you had your eyes for that. At the moment, it wasn’t literal enough for your tastes, but the way your eyes bore  _through_  her would have to be satisfying enough.

“[Name]…?” she questioned cautiously. You could tell from her puzzled expression that she had absolutely no clue what was the matter with you. You opted not to answer her and instead narrowed your focus all the more to the shiny streak of metal that was tied to her forehead. “H-Have I done something to upset you?” She ventured to guess.

Eventually, you decided that she had suffered enough under the weight of your poignant silence. [E/c] orbs locked with irises of cool onyx. “I didn’t realize that you were a ninja.”

Her eyes widened considerably. She was obviously unprepared for your answer as she furiously ripped the hitai-ate from her person. “Oh…” she tsked discontentedly. It wasn’t long before something dark replaced the Haku that you had once known. “You also had no clue that I was a  _boy_.”

You gasped and all she —  _he_  could do was laugh. “W-What? That can’t be — ” you insisted, exhibiting obvious symptoms of denial.

Haku’s laughter ceased. “But it can, [Name]. Look,” he paused in order to trace his fingers over the engraved symbol in his headband. Your eyes traced the same path that his fingers did. It was the symbol of Kirigakure. You knew what that village had once required of its warriors and you despised them for it. “I am nothing more than a tool of war, and it would be best to forget that you ever knew me.”

You were not about to let things go down that way, not at all. Haku was your friend and regardless of where his allegiance may have lied, you were positive that there was good in him yet. “How could you say that about yourself, Haku? You’re so much more than that! You are a ninja — but that’s a good thing, if you really think about it. You could rise up against those thugs terrorizing the town–”

“[Name],” he silenced you. His voice was harsh and of a far more masculine quality than you had ever thought possible. “I am already above them.”

Your mouth had suddenly gone quite dry. “What exactly are you saying, Haku?” You licked your lips — blinked  _twice_  upon reflex — and then he was gone. “Haku?!”

All that was left of the friend that you had once known were the remnants of the riddles he had been speaking as they echoed within your mind.

“…I am nothing more than a tool of war…”

“…I am already above them…”

“…It would be best to forget that you ever knew me.”


	4. Reason to Regret

 

The atmosphere above you was unusually devoid of clouds, and it was far from the picturesque blue of a typical Waves country sky. It was almost as if it was reflecting how you felt: abnormally empty.  
  


“Oh, Haku…” you sighed despairingly.  
  


Your body was splayed out lethargically upon the ground, successfully smothering the herb garden that you had previously considered to be precious.  
  


It had been a full week since you had last seen or heard anything at all from him. You had no way of knowing this for sure, but you had presumed that this was because he was feeling ashamed.  
  


“I never should have asked you about your  _stupid_  headband!” You exclaimed in utter exasperation. Your fingernails viciously tore at blades of grass by your sides.  
  


He must have been under the impression that you would hate him for what he was — a “tool of war” as he called it — but you only hated yourself for causing the great rift in your friendship. Over the week of his absence, you had chosen to ignore the bitter truth he had revealed to you. Your mind insisted that he must have been working for Gato, but your heart hoped desperately that this was not the case. After all, maybe it was not that he had  _forgotten_  to remove his headband, but rather he had finally felt comfortable enough with you to let down his clandestine walls.  
  


You may have been without him for a week, but it had been an entire month since you had met him. Coming to the forest and quietly conversing with him had become a stable part of your life, it was one of the only things that allowed you to forget about the hardships of your village. It was only too ironic that the boy who had served as the only means of escape from the situation had proved to be a key cause of it.  
  


Your mind reeled with fond memories of the time you had spent with what you had presumed to be a “her.” You failed to stifle the laugh that occurred from the recent memory of confusing her gender. How could you have not noticed that Haku was a boy? “I should have never mistaken your gender…”  
  


Your mind was rather grateful for a break from all of the gloom, and apparently so was someone else’s. When a familiar, bell-like laugh resonated throughout the forest you could not squelch the expectation that it might have belonged to him. “ _Haku_ …?”


	5. Reason to Feel

 

"Hey, girlie, how’s about you come with us?”

You had always made it a point to get home before it was Happy Hour at the local sake joints, but recently you had found yourself lingering later and later within the forest. You tried to assure yourself that this was because you were in no hurry to get home as, after all, the crime rate was only increasing in your small town, but you knew that this reasoning was not the case.

“I’m sorry!” you squeaked. “I-I have to be home right away…!”

You had been foolishly pining after Haku and now you were paying the price for it. The three burly men that surrounded you were unsightly at best. They were hairy, greasy, overweight, and each exhale they made informed you that they liked to go heavy on both the tobacco  _and_  the alcohol. Collectively, they smirked.

“The only place you need to be,” the middleman began as he painfully seized your arm. He disregarded your boisterous protests of “Please, let go of me!” in favor of pressing onwards with his sick speech. “Is crawling into  _my_  bed.”

You had certainly had enough of Gato’s men by this point, and you just knew that these idiots were servants of Gato. The citizens of this village were good people; you were ardent in that belief. “How  _dare_ you–” you began, spitting crudely in his disgusting face.

The four of you barely had time to react as a trio of senbon needles went ripping through their jugular veins. Abhorrent gurgles escaped from each of their gaping mouths as they fell backwards, having no choice but to bleed to death beneath a pale sliver of moonlight.

You neck ached from how quickly you craned it in the direction that the needles had come from. It was high up in a tree that you noticed him. He was leaning casually against a thick tree limb. Even behind the protection of a creamy white Anbu mask, you knew. The shine of his brown-black locks, the color of his nail polish, the part of his incredibly long fringe, his casual posture…it was all so obviously  _Haku_  that you could have cried.

“[Name], did they hurt you?” He did not bother to leave the safety of the tree as he asked this, but it was perfectly fine with you. He didn’t need to increase the proximity in order for the earnest concern in his voice to be heard.

You shook your head, still a bit shaken up from the whole ordeal. “Not as much as I’ve hurt myself–” he didn’t let you finish. In mere seconds he was face to face with you. “By upsetting you," you finished quietly, refusing to let the close proximity deter you from getting your point across.

Although you could not see it, he blinked in obvious confusion. “What?”

“I don’t care what you do, because I know you’re much better than the scum that you work for, Haku!” you insisted as you placed your hands gently on his shoulders.

“You don’t know that for sure–” He tried to reason with you.

You shook your head defiantly. “I do! You saved me from being killed or raped or —  _thank you_ ,” you concluded your rambles with a tearful, absolutely grateful facial expression.

“I — I won’t let myself be this weak, [Name]. You have to understand that. My only purpose in this life is to serve Z–”

 _Slap!_  Your hand made painful contact with the side of his mask.

“I hope you felt that through your mask, but  _damn it_ , Haku! You’re a person, not a — not whatever it is you used to kill those guys!” you shouted heatedly.

His brow furrowed. “A senbon needle?” he offered.

“Yes!” you exclaimed. “What I’m saying is that you’re far from a tool. Your only task in life is to live it, and you have the right to do that any way you damn well please!”

“But Zabuza–” he tried again although his resolve had obviously weakened this time.

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, but you do what you want to do. If that involves serving, uh, Zabuza, then that’s fine. Just realize that it’s not something you have to do,” you explained bluntly.

You couldn’t exactly deduce the reasoning behind it, but you could see that his shoulders had begun to shake. You were prepared to call out to him when he suddenly removed his mask. His coal colored eyes were plagued by a bout of unshed tears and his mouth was worn into a dull frown. “It is what I want to do, [Name], but now that you mention it…it’s not the only thing.”

“What do you mean?” you questioned curiously.

As water fell from his eyes like a gentle rain, he managed to flash a small smile your way. “If it’s not too much trouble, I would like to continue our friendship where we last left off," he suggested as he played with his fingers anxiously. “Even as I dismissed the sanity of it before, I found that I could not completely separate myself from you, [Name]. So, I’m sincerely hoping that you’ll find it in your heart to give me another chance at this.” Tentatively, he held his whitish hand out to you, palm facing upwards, in a gesture of pure amity.

“You should know that you don’t have to ask, you idiot,” you smirked, and as your hand found his own you were certain that the feeling that exploded in your gut was one far beyond the reaches of camaraderie.


	6. Reason to Worry

Being a ninja was dangerous. You were quite well-aware of this fact, but you scarcely paid it any mind. After all, nobody you cared about was a ninja, well, at least not until  _now_.

“[Name],” Haku’s voice was unusually panicked as he appeared before you one lazy afternoon. “I could use your assistance.”

It wasn’t so much his tone that scared you; rather it was probably a combination of disconcerting things. His clothes were splattered with blood that, thankfully, you could infer was not his own, and in his arms was an unconscious and ultimately unfamiliar man.

“What have you  _done_?” Your voice was calm, but the lingering ferocity behind it could have made the Mizukage himself wet his pants. As you spoke, you could not will yourself to look away from the thick pool of blood beginning to form beneath Haku’s feet. “Is that guy dead?”

Haku merely shook his head at you. “He appears to be, but he’ll live,” he assured you. It was interesting to note that his voice was devoid of all emotion. “I am not so confident about his healing abilities, though.”

You could certainly see why. The man in his arms seemed to be losing quite a bit of blood. His body was covered in heavy bruising and deep lacerations. You could assume that this was the price you paid to be an employed ninja warrior. “And just what do you want me to do about it?” you questioned carefully.

Haku’s gaze softened as he glanced at the wounded man. Despite the urgency of the situation, your stomach could not help but churn at the way Haku was looking at him. “This,” he swallowed a lump in his throat. “is Zabuza. I would appreciate it very much if you could lend me some of your herbs…”

It was true that you had a steady supply of them at home and, perhaps, that you were more knowledgeable in their medicinal capabilities than the rest of the villagers, but generally you just enjoyed incorporating them into your cooking. Apparently, tonight all of the excess product would come in handy, though. “O-Okay, I guess…” you murmured unsurely.

Haku smiled gently at you. “Until now, Zabuza and I have always been content to handle things on our own. Until Zabuza took me in,  _I was always on my own_. The opposing side, however, is a team of three Genin and a skilled Jounin, so I feel it is only right in this instance to accept all the help that we can get. I couldn’t think of anybody better with herbs than you."

You were flattered by his faith in you, really, but you were not nearly as convinced of your own talents as he seemed to be. “I — I can’t heal with them the way that your kind would–” you pointed out feebly. “I know,” he nodded, adjusting the weight of the man in his arms. “But you’re the best in the village when it comes to herbal remedies.” You really couldn’t argue with that logic, but you  _wanted_  to. “Please,” his eyes were practically begging you as he tightened his grip on the male in his grasps. “Just come with me.” Whether he knew it or not, he had you there. Among the surface issues you had been forced to face, you now found yourself worried by this new mentality you had adapted — the one that insisted that you would follow this boy anywhere if he only bothered to ask.


	7. Reason to Envy

"Who in the hell are you?” Well, the man was awake and, quite frankly, the bloodthirsty snarl upon his face practically scared the piss out of you.

“Oh!” you squeaked, immediately intimidated by his aggressive personality. His eyes, you noticed, were beady and black as they peaked out behind a layer of bandage that nearly covered the whole of his face. “I — well — I - uhh —  _Haku_!” you panicked.

The man, Zabuza, had an overwhelmingly cruel laugh. “Yes,” he commented with a wry smile. “ _Haku_!” He attempted to mimic you out of pure spite, but his voice was incapable or reproducing the octaves yours had just reached.

It did not take long for the incredibly sought after boy to appear. “You’re awake,” he stated simply as he moved to stand by Zabuza’s right hand side. “I’m glad.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he dismissed. Ignoring Haku’s sweet display of concern, Zabuza trained his eyes solely on you. “Why is this kid here? I can’t even sense any chakra on her!” he pointed out in evident irritation.

You were surprised by how quick Haku was to come to your defense. “She assisted me in healing some of your more troublesome injuries. She’s well-practiced in the art of medicinal cures,” Haku explained swiftly.

A smirk stretched the confines of Zabuza’s face as his gaze shifted between the two of you. “Oh,  _I_  see,” he began smugly. “You’ve gotten yourself a little girlfriend.”

You could see that Haku’s shoulders slumped at Zabuza’s apparent ridicule. Apparently, in Haku’s experience it must not have boded very well for the future. “I meant no harm by bringing her here–” Haku began only to be rudely interrupted.

“Don’t worry, kid. There’s no fun in an easy kill like her,” Zabuza dismissed with a wave of a heavily bandaged hand. “Especially not when there are bigger fish to fry~”

“Thank you, Zabuza-san,” Haku murmured as he bowed lowly in gratitude. It unnerved you that he was so cordial to such a raging jerk like Zabuza. “About that…you’ve been resting and properly recovering for a full week. [Name] and I have stayed diligently by your side during this time.”

You nodded as if to emphasize the truth to Haku’s words. “Yeah, we have.”

Zabuza’s eyes widened in alarm. “A  _week_? That’s far too long! I should have had Kakashi’s head much sooner than this…” he muttered angrily as he tightly clenched his fists.

Suppressing your fears, you decided to speak up. “A week was the safest bare minimum of recovery that your body could handle, uh, Zabuza-san,” you explained quietly.

If looks could kill, you would have been six feet under by now. “I didn’t ask for your damned opinion, kid,” he snapped at you. You immediately recoiled at his reaction.

“S-Sorry,” you squeaked sheepishly.

"Whatever…” he briefly glanced out of the window and then at Haku directly. “Why don’t you take a few minutes to say goodbye to your little girlfriend. I’d like to strike now when they’re not expecting it…” he grinned devilishly.

“A-Are you sure, Zabuza-san?” he questioned with wide, flabbergasted eyes.

In response, Zabuza nodded casually whilst cracking his knuckles. “Do what you want. I’ve got a week’s worth of piss in my system, anyway.” He was brash and vulgar, but you presumed that this was the guy’s way of being nice.

Haku practically jumped at the opportunity as he ushered you out of the room. “You’re so gracious, Zabuza-san…” he praised and all the while your insides burned.


	8. Reason to Live

Something was wrong; you could feel it in your gut. You were in the deserted hallway of the house that Gato had temporarily provided for Zabuza and Haku. You weren’t a big fan of the place to be honest. After all, it was just a brown, rundown shack that probably hadn’t been cleaned since before the 1st Great Shinobi World War.

“[Name]…” your name rolled gently off of Haku’s supple lips. You didn’t like this, not one bit. The way that he was staring at you with shifty eyes and perpetually pursed lips, well, it frightened you. You had nearly known him for two months now and you had never before seen him like this. It made you anxious and so, before replying to him, you moved awkwardly from foot to foot.

“What is it, Haku?” you whispered. Once the words had left your lips, you immediately winced in preparation for the results. You couldn’t imagine that in this situation the boy had anything good to say, and you were right in that respect.

“I’m not entirely sure that I’ll be returning from this mission.” His statement was blunt, but his words were sharp. They sliced through your heart with a calloused vengeance.

“What the hell are you talking about?!” you screeched. When your voice broke, you were incapable of keeping up a decent “in denial” front any longer. “You think — you think you’re going to die out there?”

“It’s highly probable,” he replied simply with hands clasped neatly behind his back. “I will follow Zabuza to the ends of this world.”

You were not okay at all with how grave he was being. “So this is how you plan to tell me goodbye? Do you really think that’s okay with me? I’m not going to let you–”

You were silenced only by a heavenly pressure against your lips. Your eyelids slipped shut out of reflex. You had been kissed before, but you had never expected one to come from  _Haku_. Finding it way too wonderful to be true, you refuted the new urge to crack open your eyes and instead settled for entangling your fingers within his silken tresses. The kiss was Haku’s style exactly: chaste and innocent, and better than any you had ever received before. What felt like eons to you only served to be a few, blithe minutes before Haku pulled away.

“No,” he began as you finally relented in the opening of your eyes. “That was how I planned to tell you goodbye.” Still slightly dazed from the blissful bump of your lips, you were entranced as you watched his own string together a set of meaningful words.

“H-Haku, I don’t understand…” you sputtered the very moment that clarity had returned to you. “You can’t do this to me and then expect for me to be okay with your impending demise! That’s  _sick_.”

Much as his lips had done earlier, Haku’s arms found their way to you. He embraced you gently, longingly, as he pulled you close. His lips left a warm imprint upon the exposed flesh of your forehead. “[Name], you know that Zabuza is my reason for dying. My existence has always been conditionally expendable to him, but if I had the chance to do this all over again know that you would be my reason for staying alive.”

You had little time to be touched by his words as everything went inconsolably dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go to chapter nine for a canon ending and chapter ten for a canon epilogue; Go to chapters eleven and twelve for some variance. ;)


	9. Reason to Die

 

You were incredibly certain of three things upon regaining consciousness. In order of importance, these were:  
  


1\. Haku was a goddamned idiot.  
  


2\. Haku was also a deplorable son of a bitch.  
  


3\. And lastly, you loved him despite these infuriating faults.  
  


So, it was only natural that the first coherent thought that came to you was to run to him before it was far too late. Hours passed and you realized that you must have searched every single inch of that stupid village with your quest yielding zero results. By this time, pathetic liquids were cascading down your face in unrelenting streams. Your fat tears left a trail of bitter salt down your cheeks and snot had begun to crust above your lip. Over all, your concern for Haku had been far from beneficial to your appearance.  
  


“Damn it, Haku…” you seethed. You had long since become disinterested with the village, and now found yourself stumbling aimlessly through the forest. It was only when you had reached the outskirts of it — somewhere in close proximity to the bridge that was being built to piss Gato off — that you were instilled with any sort of rekindled hope at all.  
  


“HAKU,  _NOOOOOOOO_!!!”  
  


An alarming mix of fear and adrenaline compelled you and you found your legs carrying you faster than they ever had before. “Haku,” you cried as you forced your way furiously through cluster after cluster of beastly vegetation. “I’m coming!”  
  


It was obvious how much the distress in the previous exclamation had scared you. You could no longer be totally sure that the love of your life was okay — hell, you couldn’t even discern where the voice had come from. It was unfamiliar, and did not originate from the vocal chords of Zabuza Momochi, only of that much could you be completely certain.  
  


When you finally found your way to him, you felt the cracks begin to spread throughout the whole of your fragile heart. Yes, you had found him alright, but only after he had gotten a hand shoved clean through his torso.  
  


A bloodcurdling scream erupted from the depth of your lungs as you sank to your knees.  
  


“ _HAKU_!”  
  


“My future is all used up, huh? Think again.” The way Zabuza spoke to the silver-haired man, even as Haku was bleeding to death in front of him, made your blood boil.  
  


“You bastard!” you growled, grinding your teeth together so furiously it was likely they was crumble into dust. “How  _could_  you — how could you let him?!”  
  


Almost immediately, seven pairs of eyes turned to you, and all of them, except for Zabuza, looked incredibly sympathetic for you and your obvious anguish. You were positive that the tears flowing from your eyes right now would never stop.  
  


“Oh, it’s the girl,” Zabuza remarked coldly. “Haku’s girlfriend too late to come to his rescue…” This resulted in two drastically different reactions in those surrounding him. First, with you it inspired pure fury, and with the rest of your audience it only made sympathy all the more contagious.  
  


Nearby, a spikey-haired blonde kid grimaced. “…Haku had a girlfriend?”  
  


Blood spewed forth from the barely conscious young male. “We — we never made it official.” Your heart ached for Haku as he struggled to maintain coherent speech even when on the brink of death. “But I wou–would have– _cough-cough_ –liked to.”  
  


The silver-haired assailant sighed. “He saved your worthless life at the expense of his own.”  
  


Zabuza grinned victoriously. “Well done, Haku.”  
  


A white-hot wrath coursed through your veins as you charged. “I’LL KILL YOU–” much to your chagrin, the blonde saw fit to hold you back. “Let go of me  _now_!”  
  


“I knew I’d found a treasure in you, boy!” Zabuza continued facetiously as he prepared to slam his sword straight through the love of your life.  
  


“You’d chop straight through him just to get me?” the silver-haired man questioned, utterly appalled. When Zabuza opted to have his blade do the talking, you howled out in agony.  
  


“Don’t you do it, you bastard!” you ordered as the silver-haired male struggled furiously to pull his hand out of Haku’s body. When it proved impossible for him to do so, he quickly leapt out of the way of Zabuza’s attack.  
  


“You’ll pay for that!” the boy holding you back proclaimed, absolutely livid. You were relieved to see that, at the very least, he cared about acquiring justice for Haku.  
  


“Naruto, stay out of this!” the silver-haired man warned. Eventually, he was able to pry his hand out of the hole he had created in Haku’s body. You respected the way that the man sat Haku down gently and closed his eyes, but then it hit you —  _closed his eyes_?  
  


You went into hysterics. “HAKU CAN’T BE DEAD!” you insisted as you continued to struggle against the grip of your current captor. “HE — HE WAS  _JUST_  TALKING TO ME! HE CAN’T DIE —  _YOU_  KILLED HIM!” you accused as your eyes narrowed at the silver-haired man. You then did a quick sweep of your surroundings with your weeping eyes. “YOU  _ALL_  DID!”  
  


Quite unsure of what else he could do for you, the blonde boy begrudgingly handed you off to a pink-haired female with large, empathetic eyes. “Shh. It’s alright,” she whispered to you soothingly and you immediately latched onto her short-statured form. “You have every right in the world to cry.”


	10. Reason to Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you are lost, this is the epilogue to the canon ending of chapter nine.

 

You cared little for the things that they — Haku and Zabuza — had left you. The only thing that mattered to you was that they perished, and that even more importantly: that they had perished  _together_. Although they were all now scattered about your house, you refused to even look at most of their belongings (especially that horrendous sword of the late Momochi’s possession). It scarcely even served to comfort you that the townspeople had reclaimed their village under the leadership of some snot-nosed little boy. When anything good happened nowadays, all you could think of was:  _What does it matter? Haku’s dead, anyway._  
  


When the two of them had died, the ninja of “Team Seven” from Konohagakure had done the dirty work for you. You found it only fitting when considering that Kakashi — as you had learned was the name of the silver-haired Jounin — was in some way responsible for their untimely demise. The sweet pinkette, Sakura, had comforted you to the best of her ability for as long as her teammates could bear to linger within the Land of Waves, and the blonde boy had smothered you in countless, overly affectionate hugs. You didn’t really care much for the existence of their third teammate as he was too sulky and quiet for your tastes.  
  


“You have to look at it eventually, dear.”  
  


You sighed melodramatically as you shoved a couch pillow over your aching head. Before the compassionate ninja had left the country, they had asked some gregarious young woman to watch over you. Apparently, she was the mother of the town brat.  
  


Today was one of those lovely days that she had decided to check up on you, and, as always, you appeared to be a little worse for the ware. “I don’t wanna!” you protested childishly.  
  


Kakashi had been the one to personally deliver to you all of the belongings of Haku and Zabuza that he could find. He had insisted that Haku, at the very least, would have wanted you to have them. You were not so keen to receive the Anbu mask, the ninja weapons, or the pocket change, but you had to admit that the mysterious scroll that Haku had kept stashed away in one of his secret pockets intrigued you. It was also interesting to note that, if nothing else, Kakashi was persistent upon you checking that scroll out.  
  


“You and I both know that it’s what Haku would have wanted, [Name].” The troublesome lady did not bother to say anything more before she departed. You almost admired her bravery for so readily roaming the streets of your village in such awful weather. Although it was the middle of spring, it had been snowing steadily since the day Haku had taken his last breath. You now, quite frankly, abhorred the falling of fresh snow. It reminded you of  _him_ , after all.  
  


You took the time to genuinely consider what the nosy female had to say. You may not have gladly agreed with her statement, but you were starting to consider the fact that looking over the scroll might be beneficial if only to shut her the hell up.  
  


“Okay,” you sighed, shooting one frenzied glance at the snow falling outside of your window. “Here’s to hoping that this will put an end to her incessant visits…”  
  


Your declaration was casual enough, but your hands could not help but to shake as you slowly unrolled the scroll.  
  


_[Name],_   
  


_I cannot seem to shake the sensation that my short life is reaching its end. I know that you were expecting a little more out of a boy that took such a long time to confess his gender — let alone his feelings — to you, but this was how it was always supposed to play out; I’m certain of that now. I was forever meant to be a tool to Zabuza, and you were probably destined to have never met me. It was just unfortunate for the both of us, I suppose, that we shared such a love of natural herbs. At any rate, I am not writing to you in order to remind you of something I do plan on telling you (in person) myself. No, I am much more concerned with helping you to cope. I’ve reasoned that, if nothing else, I can at least achieve that for you once I’m dead and gone — and believe me, if I could do something more extraordinary for you, like make it snow for the rest of your life, than I would, but for now this inadequately composed letter will have to suffice._   
  


_You’re only fourteen, [Name]. Life, I’m certain, is far from over for you now. You cannot spend the rest of your life holding on to what we could have had and instead must look forward to the many, wonderful aspects of life that you will experience. By now, I’m sure I’ve told you once or twice that you should have been my reason for living and conversely I can’t let myself become your reason for dying. Even if you sincerely feel like it at times, you can’t give up. You may think that you have died “inside”, but you’re still fully alive — you just have to remember that the first step to proving it is to_ **breathe**.  
  


_I will love you in this life and the next,_   
  


_Haku~_


	11. Reason to Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-canon ending, folks.

 

_W-Why does it hurt?_

It was so foreign to you — the feeling of pain. You were not a ninja, and thus had never quite had the chance to accustom yourself to such an unpleasant sensation garnered through the act of battle.

_What happened to me?_

Gingerly, your hands sought out the throbbing origin of discomfort. Your hair was tangled and unruly at the moment, but through it a tender knot to the head was easy to find.

_Who did this to me?_

You were inherently surprised to find that the knot was all you found as not a drop of blood could be observed upon your trembling fingertips.

Once the initial shock of the soreness had escaped you, your mind made the slow attempt at processing the situation.  _What events had led you to this? Where were you?_

Your eyes perused your rundown surroundings. From the looks of it, you were in the home of one of the more disenfranchised villagers. The walls were composed of rotting planks, and the area was scarcely furnished. In fact, it appeared that you had been placed upon the best of what this — this shack had to offer.

Beneath you was a twin-sized bed with tattered sheets. You weren’t entirely sure, but you thought you might have spotted a bit of blood peeking out from beneath your battered form. Judging by the fact that the only injury to be found upon your person was that delivered by blunt force, you presumed that this crimson stain was not your own. You couldn’t decide whether that was better or worse, though.  _Did someone die here?_

By this point, you were woefully perplexed by your surroundings. Your mind, in attempts to assuage this situation, worked furiously in the pursuit of remembrance.  _Was there something important you were supposed to be doing right now?_

Perhaps it was the pain that slowed the process, or maybe it was simply the hazy consequence of a freshly conscious mind. Whatever the case, recalling the events prior to your K.O. was a difficult task indeed.

The first thing to come to you was the fuzzy recollection of a crude man.  _Zabuza_ , your mind whispered. Yes, he was the one whose blood had made your bed! But, he was not the true culprit, was he? Your mind next recalled that you had been taking care of this man, thus he could not have betrayed you so violently after all of your compassion and dedication — could he? Perhaps. He was a deplorable charge, after all.  _Why would you have even bothered to assist such a wretch?_

That was when it all came rushing back to you. It was a single word — _Haku_  — but it was one that carried with it months of connotation. The friendship, the kiss, and the present peril pierced your heart like shards of glass or a hail of bullets. Your eyes widened in vitriolic alarm.

 _Haku!_  Your mind all but screamed. You stumbled to your feet faster than you could even contemplate standing up.  _How had it taken so long to remember?_  Haku was the one to knock you out, and he had done so for what he perceived to be your own good. You had not time to waste. He needed you right now — and you needed him  _forever_.


	12. Reason to Intervene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-canon ending pt. II. Thanks for reading this, folks!

 

It was not hard to find him, really. The location of the huge ninja battle was exactly where you would expect it to be - near the bridge that was being built to piss Gato off, and whilst you were initially relieved to find the love of your life in one piece, you were still rather horrified by the scene you had stumbled upon.  
  


Two ninja stood stock-still before one another. The one on the left you was characterized by a beautiful face and a somber smile; you immediately recognized him to be Haku. Whilst it was a bit eerie to behold, his frozen stance was not what startled you. It was the boy to the right, a young blonde, who had his fist poised in the act of assault. It was mere centimeters away from Haku’s soft chin, and it absolutely terrified you.  
  


“Get the hell away from him!” you ordered vehemently. Of all the things you had to say to the both of them, this was the first that had managed to escape your anguished vocal chords.   
  


Immediately, two pairs of eyes swiveled to face you. Haku’s face, which had once depicted nothing but melancholy and content, was now marked by sheer surprise. The other boy did not looked shocked so much as obviously confused. His fist, which he had been struggling to launch forward in an enraged uppercut, fell languidly to his side.   
  


“[Name]!” Haku addressed you sternly. “You should  _not_  be here.”  
  


You scowled at the very audacity of his decree. “Neither should you! You don’t belong on this side of things, Haku!” you proclaimed as you took a step towards him. “You’re a good person, and so are these ninja! There’s no reason for you two to fight!”  
  


A white-hot wrath overtook the blonde in that moment. His eyes narrowed at you, quite resembling snake-like slits. “You don’t know anything, lady! What he did to Sasuke - he  _killed_  my best friend.”  
  


The sadness regained its hold on Haku. “Yes,” he murmured, returning his attention to the enemy ninja. “I killed an important friend of yours, but you cannot even kill  _me_?”  
  


This was the first you had noticed of the fallen friend. He was a dark-haired youth with skin as cold and as white as snow. The senbon which impaled him gave you little reason to doubt the validity of Haku’s statement. “H- _Haku_?”  
  


The blonde, reminded of his grave loss, was finally able to overcome his internal struggle. His fist collided with Haku’s face violently and sent him tumbling to the ground.   
  


“Stop it!” you cried as you rushed to Haku’s side. The defeated boy struggled to lift himself from the ground. You cringed as he coughed weakly, blood splattering against the dirt. “You — you bastard! Do you really think that hurting him will make you feel better?”  
  


The blonde had little time to consider your question as Haku sluggishly rose to his feet. You allowed him to lean on you for support as he swiped the blood from his face with the back of his hand. “Where did that energy of yours go? You can’t defeat me like that.”  
  


“He wasn’t an important person to you?” Haku questioned, undoubtedly baiting the boy more with his inquiry. When the blonde said nothing, Haku pressed onwards. “There are those that have the wrong idea. They fail to defeat an enemy that needs to be defeated, show them mercy instead, and decide not to take his life…If you ask me, doing something like that is not showing mercy at all. Do you know the pain of living without a dream? Knowing you’re not needed by anyone?”  
  


You absorbed his words silently. There were so many things you could have said to him at that moment — things that could have fervently disproved his lacking self-worth, but you kept quiet for the moment.  
  


“What are you trying to say?” the blonde questioned with a quirked brow.  
  


“Zabuza-san does not need a weak ninja. You stole my reason for existing,” Haku explained. The way that he said it was so calloused it caused your very blood to boil.  
  


“You  _idiot_!” you bellowed.  _Slap!_  Your hand made painful contact with his cheek. “Zabuza may not need you, but I sure as hell do! How can you be so blind, Haku? How can you not know that I  _love_  you? After all of this time, you have become my most important person! All of the time that we’ve shared together — the happiness, the memories — how can you even suggest that you have no reason to exist because Zabuza- _fucking_ -Momochi doesn’t require your services anymore?” you roared. Your fists pounded softly against his chest as tears streamed down your cheeks. You would not sit by and listen to him berate himself anymore. You would not let him throw away the existence that you so treasured.  
  


The blonde ninja’s cheeks tinted upon witnessing such an emotionally intimate moment between the two of you, but he agreed with you. Zabuza was a scumbag, and there were far more important reasons to live than to serve him.  
  


Haku captured your tiny fists in his hands as he smiled softly down at you. “[Name],” he murmured gently. “Please try to understand me. Zabuza saw value in me even when I had none. My parents had forsaken me for this — this blood — and I should have died as a beggar on the streets, but Zabuza took me in and raised me! Even if I have only ever been a tool to him, he has been the most important person to me. To know that my existence has become useless to even him, it is the most unbearable pain that I have ever felt…” he tentatively explained.  
  


“Your existence has never been useless to me, Haku. I don’t care about your abilities! I would still feel this way about you even if you were not a ninja at all. I need you in my life, and more importantly — I want you in it. Isn’t — Isn’t that enough?” you choked out in utter anguish.  
  


“You know that it’s not that simple. I’ve dedicated my whole life to serving Zabuza. How can I turn my back on the man that has never once saw fit to turn his back on me?” Haku countered.  
  


You scowled as you crossed your hands over your chest. Nonchalantly, you allowed your right hand to delve behind the woven material of your kimono. It clasped defiantly around something rough and jagged. “You don’t have to turn your back on  _him_ , Haku. I’m just asking you not to turn your back on  _me_. Don’t you owe me that much?”  
  


Haku sighed. “[Name], I do love you, you know. I would  _never_ –”  
  
You crashed your lips on his in the most passionate manner that you could muster. The blonde ninja averted his eyes from the scene. The kiss was far from the innocent one that Haku had given you earlier. This one was flurried and fearful of things to come. You kissed him with all of your might —as if it would be your very last. The only thing it seemed to share with the previous kiss was its length. It was over just as quickly as it had begun.  
  
You spoke in the tiniest, frailest voice that Haku had ever heard as you let your free hand — the one that was not grasping the boy by the collar of his clothing - make contact with his skull. “Then  _don’t_.”  
  


Haku’s eyes slipped shut as the world escaped him. The last sensation he felt before everything faded from his view was that of a throbbing pain at the back of his head. No! He didn’t want this. Not now. He resisted with all of his might, but it was futile. The boy’s body went slack, and he would have fallen if it were not for the iron-clad grip of your arms around his unconscious form.  
  


Even if he resented you for it in the long run, you would not let him lose his life. Not for Zabuza, not for himself, not for anyone.   
  


The blonde ninja looked at you with wide eyes. His gaze trailed the length of your body downwards until catching sight of the rock you had once concealed within your hand. When you had caught Haku, the rock had fallen from your clutches to the cold ground below. He did not question your actions or your motives, and his gaze did not then waver from your discarded weapon. 


End file.
